True Confessions
By Jim Taylor

This Milli-Vanilli thing has forced my hand. I have no choice. I 
must admit it. I sang on their album.

Yeah, that's right, it was me. I did the lead and the backup 
vocals. Hey, don't look at me like that. It's not like I really 
wanted to, it's just that the money was right and they had these 
files on me that they were going to turn over to the authorities.

I had no choice and I didn't enjoy it.

As long as I'm at it, I feel I'd better come clean on some other 
things too.

Yes, I wrote the Book of Love and, I also put the bop in the 
bop-she-bop-she-bop. However, I have absolutely no idea who put 
the ram in the rama-lama-ding-dong. After all, there's only so 
far a guy like me will go for money. (Like San Francisco.)

I was at the Watergate and I have Michael Milken's phone number 
tattooed on my left thigh. Sputnik couldn't have been done with 
out my research, I killed Laura Palmer and, although I'm loathe 
to admit it, I wrote the pilot episode of "My Mother the Car."

In previous lives, I ordered the building of the pyramids and the 
Great Wall of China, not to mention the creation of the Rosetta 
Stone. You would have seen me at Tammany Hall and I serviced 
Oliver North's fax machine.

But that's it.

I wasn't anywhere near Chicago in '68. Or Altamont during the 
Stones concert. And please believe me, the Yugo wasn't my doing.

I've turned over a new leaf. Can't you people cut a guy some 
slack? OK, maybe Dan Quayle and Disco ARE my fault but they were 
accidents and I think I've suffered enough for them. Haven't you 
ever had a bad week or year or millennium?

They say that confession is good for the soul and I do feel a tad 
better. It's been hard living a lie. I apologize for everything.

Now can I have the Grammy back?

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JIM TAYLOR is a writer and publisher who lives in Newington, 
Connecticut. He is the sole creator of everything that bears his 
name, even this bio note.

Yeah, sure he is.
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For a free list of his other publications, write:

Jim Taylor
Suite 110
2594-96 Berlin Turnpike
Newington, CT 06111 

Copyright 1990 James F. Taylor
All rights reserved